Matt Sainty
his article details some of what has happened to me in the last 12 months of 2019 that has resulted in a significant and lasting improvement in my symptomology of schizophrenia. How did this happen?
Well, I was reading a book by Gordon Livingston entitled “Too Old Soon, Too Late Smart”, and thinking about the possibilities of living the sort of life that would get me out of the depression that had engulfed me, which I believed was going to end my life. I knew I needed to get into a better space where I wasn’t thinking negative thoughts all the time about suicide and ending it all.
Part of me knew that there must be a better way around all this suffering. I knew that if I didn’t come up with a better way of living, then my time on this earth was limited. I was done and that’s that!
As I read the book written by an eminent psychiatrist who had witnessed much suffering in his own life, it occurred to me that this book was a story of the life, loves and tribulations of this outstanding compassionate person. What was the message that I could glean from this tale, written in such a touchingly and deeply impassioned plea of the heart?
Suddenly, I had a leap of faith. My intuition urged me – could it be that the best we can hope for in this life of seemingly unending heartache and suffering was to be the narrator of our own story? The intuitive part I thought was the preamble to the sentence – the best we can hope for. That was the only original part that I had added.
I decided to practise my newfound premise or precept at every opportunity I could get. This was my last hope, my last chance at getting back onto my feet and getting some semblance of order back into my life. It was now or never, sink or swim. There would be no tomorrows if I failed. And, swim I did.
This new concept or premise or precept has proved to be my saviour in everything that I have done, said, thought or felt since. It has saved me countless times and put some perspective into my life, which was careering out of control – and out of this world. It has saved me from an excess of worry and anxiety about things that I have said or done, because its importance takes precedence and prominence over everything that we tend to worry ourselves about what other people think of us, and what we think of ourselves.
I believe this because when I practise it my confidence soared and my levels of anxiety, depression and paranoia subsided to subminimal levels. You might like to recall from my history that I am not manic depressive, nor do I suffer from bipolar disorder. I was not on some sort of manic high.
Could it be that the coup de grace that we have all been waiting for is that, again: ‘The best we can hope for in this life is to be the narrator of own story.’ Is this the answer to depression? I believe it is. It certainly was in my case!
We all have losses in life to face. There is undoubted suffering as a result of those losses. But, are the losses so important and how do they impact upon the ability of someone to tell their own story? The story telling is our gift and we would do well to cherish it! What impacts upon our ability to tell or own story?
Many things have an influence including age, culture, disability, gender. The point is when we feel heard and appreciated by others when we tell the story of our lives, we feel appreciated and affirmed, and our confidence can’t help but reach optimal. We feel heard, at last! This is the answer to depression. We too, can rewrite our own stories as no two stories are alike and no story is written in stone.
When we engage in social situations where people sometimes tell each other’s stories, how does this affect my universal premise or belief? Most stories told by other people about us allow us to have some input into the process – this is where telling our own story comes in; If you don’t like or agree with the story told about you then it is time to jump in and amend it or edit the story. This process can take a generally shy person out into the social world and generate confidence when used practically with good judgement and common sense.
A sense of humour is an essential part of any well-told story. When you use humour to engage your audience you are on the right track and making excellent progress in your most important job in life for yourself. It has taken someone like me, a generally socially ill-at-ease fellow, to build up my confidence bit by bit, till my depression disappeared like the lifting of fog on a sunny day, and in its place it has put a shiny new tool called confidence.
It doesn’t need to be said that this new way of living has created a new repeatable, and seemingly reliable feeling of self-belief, self-worth and self -esteem in a person who previously had one foot in the world we live in and another on the nearest train out of here.
My belief is that we need to take this new way of living, thinking and doing to establish a new way in which we live our lives. It is a paradigm shift in our priorities about how we live our lives. Of course, the best story we can tell for each other is a story of love. And the most important people to us in our lives are, of course, family and friends.
We have an enormous opportunity to tell the story of their experience, as well as themselves, in a way that enhances and maximises those feelings of love, respect and care for each other. So many of my friend’s colleagues and compatriots have died through suicide and self-harm or neglect. There are too many of them, almost too many to count!
Was this to be my saving grace? The answer was, yes. I had made a significant breakthrough. And, yes there will always be losses in life but how do they affect telling the story of our lives which is so Important? A deaf person will use sign language and expressive body language to tell their story. A person who is blind will often have a very retentive memory and be able to tell their story by oral recounting it from memory.
Other creatures tell their stories by various means such as dogs who will wag their tails when pleased, and whimper at the first sign of something unpleasant they dislike, such as pain. Bacteria tell their own stories through plasmids or circular DNA. For instance, a bacterium having a bad time, due to toxic chemical conditions caused by the immune system of a host, can swap stories, or DNA, with another bacterium having a good time, conferring immunity to it.
I believe that what I have unwittingly discovered is a universal precept or premise that all organisms discover at some point in their lives if they are watching. I also believe that we are not alone in the cosmos and other creatures out there who may be more intelligent and advanced than us have reached this very same premise or conclusion about life. The best we can hope for in this life is to be the narrator or teller of our own story. This adds purpose and meaning to our existence and is the reason for our DNA and every other thing about us.
Matt Sainty, 59, has worked for seven years as an advocate for the rights of mental health patients, and conducted courses such as Positive Thinking, Healthy Living and Signs & Symptoms of Mental Illness. He has participated in and studied various modalities or therapies to manage his own symptoms, such as Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness and Schema Based Therapy. Matt is a member of a peer-run Support Group, GROW, for over 11 years, and completed a Medical Science degree majoring in Pathology from Charles Sturt University. He holds a Diploma of Laboratory Technology and Diploma of Social and Community Services from the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology (RMIT). He is currently studying for a Bachelor of Pharmacy at Charles Sturt University.